Trapped in an Elevator
by Erestor
Summary: A scheming security guard and an ambitious ElfPrince become blackmailers when an elevator breaks down... with Thranduil and Gimli stuck inside it. Not just humor, there is drama!
1. Mentally Unstable

**Trapped in an Elevator  
  
by Erestor**  
  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Lord of the Rings.  
**  
10:03 AM  
  
_I love being a security guard. I see new things every day. I fondly remember the time I caught Pippin attempting to pick a safe with an earring. He didn't get in trouble, mainly because no one took him seriously. Then there was the time when King Elessar got his nose stuck in the revolving door. And the time when someone put super glue on the floor and a Dwarf called Gloin got fastened there for three and a half hours.  
  
Today I am doomed to watch security cameras, which is generally rather boring. So I'm writing in my journal. My journal is generally rather boring as well. That's why no one ever reads it.  
  
Well, something has just happened. Elevator C is jammed. Glorfindel has gone off to see if anyone is stuck in there._  
  
"Stop pressing all the buttons," commanded Thranduil.  
  
Merry glared at him. "I think we're stuck in here."  
  
"What?" asked Thranduil.  
  
"If I may make a suggestion?" began Gimli politely.  
  
"The air!" cried Beregond. "We'll run out of air! We'll die!"  
  
"No one dies in elevators," said Thranduil.  
  
"No one has died in an elevator yet," said Merry. "Maybe we'll be the first."  
  
The four looked around. Thranduil was leaning against one wall. Gimli was holding a suitcase. Merry was smoking a pipe, despite the fact that he wasn't meant to. Beregond was hyperventilating in a corner.  
  
Thranduil's cell-phone rang. He pulled it out. "Yes?" he asked shortly.  
  
"Hello, this is Glorfindel," said someone brightly. "I'm the head security guard. Are you stuck in an elevator?"  
  
"Yes," said Thranduil.  
  
"We're going to die!" shrieked Beregond.  
  
"What was that?" asked Glorfindel.  
  
"Nothing," said Thranduil.  
  
"Anyway," continued the security guard, "are you the only one there?"  
  
"No," said Thranduil, wishing he was. "Beregond, Merry, and a Dwarf are in here as well."  
  
"Hmm," said Glorfindel. "I'll ask Erestor for an estimate of how long you can be in an elevator before you pass out from lack of air."

"Lack of air?" shrieked Beregond.  
  
"Stop shrieking!" yelled Thranduil.  
  
On the other side of the telephone, Glorfindel winced.  
  
_Glorfindel just asked me how long those four have to stay conscious. I have explained to him that Elves and Dwarves can breathe quite well in thin air, but Humans and Hobbits take far deeper breaths. And after a few quick calculations I have discovered that they have nine hours. Approximately. This should be extremely interesting.  
_  
"Erestor says you have nine hours," said Glorfindel.  
  
"What?" demanded Thranduil. "Could we actually be stranded here for nine whole hours?"  
  
"I hope not," said Glorfindel. "But in similar cases, it's taken a long, long time to get people out of these things."  
  
Merry kept on smoking. Gimli pulled out a file and began leafing through it. Beregond sat down on the floor, steadied his breathing, and attempted to find a happy place. Thranduil stared at the cell-phone disbelievingly.  
  
_I mean, here we have an Elf and a Dwarf, stranded in an elevator for hours while people attempt to get them out! What could be more entertaining? And as luck would have it, I am sitting here in front of the computer screen for the security camera, watching the whole thing! I bet that in two hours Thranduil will have punched Gimli, and Gimli will have stomped on Thranduil's foot.  
  
At the moment, Thranduil is still talking to Glorfindel on his cell-phone, and Glorfindel is trying to calm him down. Thranduil is notoriously short tempered. He is not pleased to be trapped in an elevator.  
  
As for Beregond, he's obviously going to pass out a lot sooner than the others. He's having trouble handling these trying circumstances.  
  
Gimli is doing some sort of paperwork. Merry is smoking.  
  
Wait. Merry is smoking?_  
  
"Erestor told me to tell you to tell Merry not to smoke anymore," said Glorfindel.  
  
"Huh?" asked Thranduil.  
  
"Just stop Merry from smoking! He's using up your oxygen!"  
  
Thranduil turned on Merry. "Quit smoking! You'll kill us!"  
  
Merry quickly took the pipe out of his mouth. He hid it behind his back and smiled charmingly. Thranduil was not charmed. At all. He growled.  
  
10:38 AM  
  
_As of yet, Thranduil and Gimli have been acting quite civilized. I'm disappointed. I wanted some action. Merry is drawing pictures on the wall with a permanent marker and Beregond is still sitting on the floor taking deep breaths. He's using up a lot of oxygen. Thranduil has been talking to/yelling at Glorfindel for the last half-hour. Glorfindel is trying to get a security crew to save the four of them, but nobody knows what to do. They haven't had many cases like this one.  
  
I'm bored.  
_  
Eventually Thranduil ended his call. Glorfindel was getting repetitive. He had thus far only been able to 'reassure' Thranduil again and again. According to Glorfindel, nobody died in accidents like this one, no one ever passed out, no one was stuck for more than ten hours.  
  
Thranduil looked at the pictures that Merry was drawing. "How did you get a permanent marker?" he asked curiously.  
  
"I have all sorts of things," said the Hobbit. "I'm always prepared."  
  
Prepared for what?  
  
Thranduil's cell-phone rang again. Why was he being tortured like this?  
  
"Father?"  
  
"Legolas?"  
  
"Are you all right? I heard that you were trapped in an elevator! All of Mirkwood is in an uproar! A lot of your subjects believe that this is a plot to assassinate you!"  
  
This was not the sort of thing that the King needed to hear at the moment. "Tell them that I'm all alive and well. I'm just annoyed."  
  
"All right," said Legolas.  
  
**Legolas was sitting in his father's office, spinning back and forth on his father's swivel chair. He picked up a pencil and twirled it, the whole time smiling charmingly at the camera-Elves who were filming the historic event. How exciting it was to be in the limelight! Every Elf in Mirkwood was anxious. Many conspiracy theories were circulating. And their prince was on the job, telephoning his father on national TV to make sure the poor King was still breathing.  
  
"Do you have any message you would like me to deliver to your subjects?" asked Legolas innocently.**  
  
"Tell them not to do anything rash," said Thranduil. He wracked his brain for something that would move and inspire his people. He couldn't think of anything. Maybe he really was running out of oxygen.  
  
"I'll do that," said Legolas. There was a pause as he did it. "Anything else?"  
  
"Yes," said Thranduil, quite decisively. "Get some lawyers on the job. I want the elevator company sued."  
  
**Legolas grinned at the very Thranduil-like order. He made a memo on his father's royal computer. He waved the camera-Elves out of the room. "You can interview me later," he said.**  
  
10:54 AM  
  
_I can't believe it! Thranduil has been in an elevator with a Dwarf for fifty-one minutes and no one is dead yet. He's talked on the telephone the whole time.  
  
Thranduil's bodyguards are going berserk. Glorfindel's had trouble keeping them calm. They're sure that we're trying to kill their beloved king. Why would we do something like that? I explained to the poor idiots that if we wanted to kill Thranduil, we would have poisoned his coffee or something. This announcement made them rather upset. They seemed to think that I was making a threat. I am now in protective custody. With my security camera.  
  
Glorfindel says I have a big mouth._  
  
Thranduil was playing a cool little game on his cell-phone when it rang again. He sighed. "Hello?" he said.  
  
"Hello. This is King Elessar speaking," said King Elessar.  
  
"Really?" snarled Thranduil, who was not feeling diplomatic.  
  
"I have telephoned to express my condolences."  
  
"Condolences? Who died?"  
  
"No one," said Elessar hurriedly. "I only meant that. . ."  
  
"I don't care what you meant!" snapped the Elvenking. "I've been stuck in here for an hour! I'm going crazy! Good-bye!"  
  
**Legolas was watching the news, waiting for the moment when he would appear in all his glory. The short clip of him telephoning his father was being played constantly, but he never got tired of it.  
  
"We interrupt this program for an important message," said the newscaster.  
  
Legolas sat up.  
  
"According to an unnamed source, King Thranduil is slowly going insane," announced the newscaster.  
  
"He always was insane," muttered Legolas to himself.  
  
"If he is not saved within two hours, he may not be fit to rule the kingdom upon his return," the Elf continued.  
  
"Cool," thought Legolas.  
**  
11:03 AM  
  
It was exactly an hour since Thranduil had innocently stepped into the elevator, unwittingly going to his doom. He sat on the floor, watching as Merry and Beregond played tick-tack-toe on the second wall. The first wall was already covered with drawings.  
  
"What are you working on?" he asked the Dwarf.  
  
Gimli looked up. He had been editing an important document for the past hour. Dwarves are very good at handling closed spaces and long periods of inactivity. "I've been editing an important document," he said.  
  
"What's it about?" asked Thranduil. He was bored stiff.  
  
Gimli looked at the document. It was called 'Wood Elves and the Great Debate'. Gimli thought that probably Thranduil would not like to hear about the Great Debate, as it was not very complimentary towards Elves in general, and Mirkwood Elves in particular. He scratched out the title and said, "It's a report on the cave-ins that took place this year."  
  
"Oh," said Thranduil, trying to make polite conversation. "Cave-ins must be unpleasant."  
  
Gimli nodded. It seemed obvious to him.  
  
"Have you ever been in a cave-in?" asked Thranduil rather distantly. He pulled out his cell-phone and changed the ring tone. He was getting sick of 'Tropical Melody' so he switched it to 'Mirkwood Rock'.  
  
"Once or twice," said Gimli. He adjusted the wording on line two of page eleven to read, 'Mirkwood Elves especially have been known to suffer from several serious emotional disorders, but this does not necessarily mean that they are crazy. Dwarven experts prefer to call them "maladjusted".'  
  
_Today I made my first appearance on TV. It was not intentional. In fact, I didn't quite appear. Some Gondorian reporter announced that an Elf who worked for Lord Elrond had confessed to a plot involving Thranduil, coffee, and a lot of poison. There was a photograph of me as well, a particularly unflattering one that Glorfindel took after I fell into a bush. Actually, I think it's the only photograph of me in existence. Thank goodness.  
  
Since then, I have been called an anarchist, a traitor, and a terrorist. I've probably lost my job. However, I'm handling it very well.  
  
I can't believe that Thranduil got himself, and me, into this mess. I'm not a traitor! I'm an Noldo! The Noldor aren't traitors! Anyone will tell you that! One innocent little remark and they all jump on your head! It's not fair!___

Take a deep breath, Erestor.  
  
Anyway, I still have the security camera. If Thranduil does something ridiculous, I'll take the film and sell it on the Black Market. And then I'll be able to afford a ticket for Valinor, where no one will have heard of me or my little 'confession'.  
  
I read this entry over, and have decided that I am one very bitter Elf.  
  
Ha.  
  
11:41 AM  
  
Thranduil glanced at Gimli's report. It looked rather interesting. Of course, anything would have looked interesting after an hour and thirty- five minutes in an elevator. Cave-ins couldn't be too boring.  
  
He looked at Merry, who was working on the third wall. Beregond was lying listlessly in a corner. He tipped his head to the side and stared at the page that was closest to him.  
  
'Mirkwood Elves grow up in a dark and oppressive environment, and find it hard to accept change in their lives. This has led experts to believe that this is the reason they rarely make friends. This has much to do with the subject of the Great Debate: Do Wood Elves have a purpose?'  
  
Thranduil's eyes opened very wide.  
  
**Legolas was rummaging through his father's supply cabinet. He'd found a few interesting things so far.  
  
"Oh, how sweet," thought Legolas to himself, pulling a little child's spinning top out of a drawer. It was made out of a solid emerald. "I remember this. He accidently dropped it on my head, and then felt so guilty he gave it to me. I had hours of fun playing with it! When I recovered consciousness."  
  
He spun it on the desk, and the telephone rang. He picked it up. "Prince Legolas speaking."  
  
"Hello, this is Erestor," said a voice. "It might interest you to know that your father is in the process of killing a Dwarf."  
  
"Valar! Not really?" gasped Legolas, sitting down on the swivel chair.  
  
"Yes, really," said Erestor. "He just punched him."  
  
"Oh," said Legolas. "The Dwarf probably deserved it."  
  
"The Dwarf just stomped on his Highness's foot," added the advisor.  
  
"How interesting," said Legolas. "How do you know this?"  
  
"I have the security camera," said Erestor.  
  
"How interesting," said Legolas again.  
**  
_I have made arrangements with Prince Legolas. He's going to buy the security camera footage and I'm going to Valinor. I've never had a lot of money. Prince Legolas is rich. And I thought that he might like to have the film, just so that he could keep it 'in the family'.  
  
Of course, there's the chance that he's buying it so that he can blackmail his father, but by the time they figure out that I'm the one who sold him it, I'll be long gone.  
  
I should be a criminal. It's so much fun.  
  
I guess I am a criminal.  
  
Oh well.  
_  
Eventually Beregond and Merry managed to separate Gimli and Thranduil. Gimli had a black eye. Thranduil had a limp.  
  
"What do you mean by this?" demanded Thranduil, waving a sheaf of papers.  
  
Gimli winced. "For years Dwarves have been debating on this topic. I was just editing a paper about it."  
  
Thranduil's cell-phone rang. "What is it?" he yelled.  
  
"Umm. . .Father," said Legolas timidly, "are you really killing a Dwarf?"  
  
Thranduil glanced at Gimli. "Not quite. He's still alive."  
  
"I just bought a security video from an Elf called Erestor. Apparently it's got footage on it of you clobbering a Dwarf."  
  
"What?" cried Thranduil. "Why did you buy it?"  
  
"Well. . ." Legolas said slowly, ". . .what do you want me to do with it?"  
  
"Burn it," said Thranduil.  
  
12:02 PM  
  
_The elevator crisis is over! After two hours of hard work, Glorfindel finally managed to remove King Thranduil, Gimli, Merry, and Beregond. I watched the whole thing on the news.  
  
This will go down in history, I'm sure.  
  
I'm still in protective custody, but it's not too bad. I've been writing in my journal, watching TV, and keeping my eye on the security camera. _

_And I was right! Within two hours, Thranduil punched Gimli, and Gimli stomped on his foot. I saw him limping when they came out. I should have made a bet with Glorfindel.  
  
Legolas just telephoned. Apparently I'm in trouble. Thranduil is furious. His bodyguards are furious. Everyone thinks I'm an anarchist.  
  
It's time to disappear._

1:05 PM  
  
Thranduil had his feet propped up on a cushion. Legolas was on the telephone.  
  
"He got away," said the prince gloomily.  
  
"Did you send him the money beforehand?" asked Thranduil tiredly.  
  
"Yes." Legolas nodded.  
  
"And I suppose he has the footage of me punching a poor defenseless Dwarf?"  
  
"No. He left it in the office."  
  
Thranduil grinned. "A happy ending! I'm out of the elevator, you aren't king of Mirkwood, Gimli knows for sure that Wood Elves are mentally unstable, no one knows I punched the Dwarf, and Erestor is in Valinor."  
  
Legolas nodded again. "I sort of enjoyed taking charge of the kingdom," he said dreamily.  
  
Thranduil glanced at him sharply. "What?"  
  
_It turns out that I won't have to go to Valinor. Elrond didn't fire me, despite the fact that half of Middle-Earth thinks I'm a dangerous criminal/assassin. So I'm going to stay in Imladris for a while, watching the security camera there.  
  
It's boring.  
  
Fortunately, I can write in my diary at the same time.  
  
Wait. Something just happened. Glorfindel accidently set his hair on fire!  
  
I love being a security guard._  
  
TO BE CONTINUED


	2. A Multitude of Bargains

Trapped in an Elevator

by Erestor

Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Lord of the Rings.

Author's Note: I'm sorry to say that this chapter ended up being more dramatic than amusing, but it will hopefully still be enjoyable. There will only be one more chapter after this one.

4:53 AM  
  
_Today is my third day of being on Mirkwood's 'Most Wanted List'. However, Lord Elrond has granted me asylum in Imladris, so I'm doing quite well. I'm still a security guard. I'm still bored.  
  
Glorfindel's hair was put out all too soon. I asked him how he'd managed to set it on fire, but he just said that he had some important work to do, and hurried off.  
  
I'm bored. I'm depressed. I'm sick of sitting in this dark little room watching the boring security cameras, and depressing news updates. I wish something interesting would happen.  
_  
**Legolas was sneaking around the palace of Mirkwood. He was holding a videotape tightly in one hand. He was jumpy and tense.  
  
His father had been looking for Erestor everywhere, but by now it seemed that he had made it the Havens and across the sea to Valinor. King Thranduil was not pleased. Erestor was the Elf who had sold Legolas the videotape of Thranduil punching a Dwarf. Now Legolas was going to get rid of the footage forever.  
  
He was going to sell it to Lord Celeborn.  
  
Lord Celeborn and King Thranduil had never been the best of friends, not since the day that Celeborn had 'accidently' pinned Thranduil to a door with a serving fork. (The serving fork had not actually gone through Thranduil, but it had gone through his favorite cloak.) Thranduil had been stuck to the door for about five minutes while his bodyguards tried to pry the serving fork out of the hard wood. By the time the reporters had showed up, Thranduil had been chasing Celeborn around the stately dining hall with a carving knife. This incident had swiftly made it's way to the news and Thranduil had been forced to apologize on universal television. (Later on, Thranduil had mailed Celeborn a dead leaf, which is considered a very great threat in Elven circles, and a beautiful little fork, set with gems.)  
  
So they hated each other.  
  
Legolas was not very fond of Celeborn, but he was annoyed with his father, and felt like getting revenge. He also felt like getting money, and Celeborn would pay a lot to get a videotape of King Thranduil making a fool of himself.  
  
He sat down on a bench and waited.**  
  
7:30 AM  
  
"Lord Celeborn," said Glorfindel hurriedly, "you shouldn't go in there. Three days ago, that elevator. . ."  
  
"Glorfindel, I'm busy," Celeborn said firmly. "I don't have time for this."  
  
With a feeling of dread, Glorfindel watched Celeborn step into Elevator C.  
  
_Glorfindel just telephoned. Apparently Elevator C got stuck again. And apparently Lord Celeborn is in there.  
  
Glorfindel just telephoned again. Not only is the Lord of Lothlorien in Elevator C, but so is King Éomer and Lord Elrond.  
  
I had better begin taping this.  
_  
Celeborn's mind was racing frantically. He was trapped in an elevator. In fact, this was the elevator that King Thranduil had been trapped in for two whole hours. And even as he was stuck in the elevator, his secret agent Haldir was purchasing the videotape of King Thranduil being stuck in an elevator.  
  
It was very ironic somehow.  
  
King Éomer was reading various inscriptions on the walls. He was naturally rather interested to see what Merry had written, since the Hobbit was a Rider of the Mark. By the time he had seen the words 'Rohan stinks' and 'horses are stupid' on the wall, he was downright annoyed. This was traitorous!  
  
Of course, Merry might have been slightly deranged at the time. Everyone knew what the stress had done to the King of Mirkwood.  
  
Meanwhile, Lord Elrond quickly dialed a telephone number on his cell-phone.  
  
"Erestor speaking," said a voice.  
  
"This is Lord Elrond," said the Lord of Imladris grimly.  
  
**Legolas was very pleased with himself. The currency Celeborn used in Lothlorien was worth a whole lot more in Mirkwood. He was now a very rich little Elf. He danced lightly down the stairs to his bedroom, to gloat over his new bank account.  
  
Legolas wondered what his father would do if he discovered that his son was a double-crosser. Legolas decided that it would be best if his father did not find out. The prince didn't want to be on Mirkwood's 'Most Wanted List'.  
  
Even as Legolas had his hand on the doorknob of his bedroom, Thranduil dashed down the corridor. "Guess what, Legolas!" he yelled delightedly. "The Valar have answered my prayers! Lord Celeborn has been trapped in an elevator!"  
  
Legolas stared at his father in surprise. "Lord Celeborn? He is stuck?"  
  
Thranduil nodded. "I wonder if someone has this on the security camera."  
**  
"Oh. Lord Elrond," said Erestor. He sounded very tentative. "Are you all right?"  
  
"The question is," said Elrond threateningly, "will _you _be all right?"  
  
There was a long silence. Then Erestor said, "What do you want me to do?"  
  
"Can you see us on the security camera?" asked Elrond.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then turn it off," ordered Elrond.  
  
"But I can't do that," said Erestor. "If one of you. . .get's hurt. . .or passes out or something, no one will know unless I'm watching."  
  
"That's a good excuse," snapped Elrond, almost sarcastic, but mostly just annoyed. "What are you going to do with security tape?"  
  
There was another pause.  
  
"Well?" demanded Elrond.  
  
"I'm going to watch it in my office," said Erestor.  
  
"You aren't going to sell it? Or show it to anyone?"  
  
8:06 AM  
  
_Elrond telephoned a few minutes ago, but eventually I was forced to hang up on him. He was asking rather unpleasant questions, insinuating that I would actually sell the security footage to someone! As if I would. . .  
  
The one that I'm mostly interested in watching is Lord Celeborn. I feel a bit guilty about nearly blackmailing Thranduil, and I'd like to make it up to him. . .for a price, of course.  
  
They haven't really done anything yet. Éomer is still staring at the walls, which I wish I'd forced Merry to clean off. He drew pictures all over them, and wrote several rather risky remarks. Remarks that it probably would have been best for the King of Rohan not to see. Elrond keeps on trying to telephone me again, but I ingeniously remembered to leave my phone off the hook, so all he'll get is a busy signal. As for Celeborn, he seems to be in shock. I wished he'd do something.  
  
Once again, I'm bored. All these wonderful situations get so dull after a while. If I'd been allowed to choose who got stuck there, I would have added a few more Dwarves to the mix. Nothing gets Elves quite as hyped up as a bunch of Dwarves.  
  
That gives me an idea. I wonder what Celeborn's cell-phone number is.  
_  
Lord Elrond was getting tired of trying to telephone Erestor. He couldn't believe that he'd actually given the Elf asylum! That had been a foolish move. Erestor would obviously turn against anyone when there was money involved.  
  
Well, then, it was time to turned against Erestor.  
  
8:45 AM  
  
**Thranduil was still feeling very happy and bouncy when Lord Elrond telephoned him. "Hello, this is the king of Mirkwood speaking," he said cheerfully.  
  
"I'm Lord Elrond," said the Elf-lord. "I heard that you were trying to track down an Elf by the name of Erestor?"  
  
He let the question hang in the airwaves for a moment.  
  
"Yes, I was," said Thranduil.  
  
"Well, I can tell you exactly where he is," said Elrond, savoring the sweet taste of revenge.**  
  
9:01 AM  
  
"Hello, Lord Celeborn, this is Erestor speaking," said Erestor.  
  
Celeborn was leaning against a wall. He had been trapped for about an hour and a half. He knew he was going crazy just imagining what could be going on outside the elevator. Contact with the world was very welcome. "Hello, Erestor," he said.  
  
On the other side of the cramped room, Elrond glanced at the Elf-lord sharply.  
  
Erestor sounded very upset. "Lord Celeborn!" he gasped miserably. "I'm so sorry!"

Celeborn sat up. "About what?"  
  
"Well," Erestor panted, nearly sobbing, "a bunch of Dwarves broke into my office. They've carried away the security camera that you're on! I'm afraid that this situation is going to broadcast all over the entire Dwarven world!"  
  
Celeborn was absolutely horrified.  
  
"And we were all trying to hush it up!" wailed Erestor.  
  
"Calm down, Erestor," said Celeborn, trying not to hyperventilate.  
  
Elrond, with his sharp Elven ears, could hear the whole conversation perfectly. This was brilliant! In a few minutes, Thranduil would have Erestor carted away, and even now, Celeborn was probably on Dwarvish television.  
  
Then it occurred to Elrond that _he_ would be on Dwarvish television as well.  
  
_I've telephoned Celeborn and put my plan into action. He's certain that Dwarves are watching everything he does, and hopefully the pressure will make him lose his mind completely.  
  
I really should be an actor._  
  
9:14 AM  
  
**"Is Imladris surrounded?" asked Thranduil.  
  
The general of the Mirkwood's army replied in the affirmative.  
  
"Very well, then," said Thranduil happily. "You are looking for a dark haired, dark eyed Elf, probably wearing black. He should have a security camera with him. I want you to get that Elf and bring him to Mirkwood by airplane. This is a very important mission. . .Oh, and please remember to bring the security camera with you as well."**  
  
"You idiot!" yelled Celeborn. "This is all your fault!"  
  
"My fault?" Both Elrond and Éomer turned on the Elf-lord furiously.  
  
"Yes," said Celeborn angrily. "It's your fault! Erestor is your Elf, right? It's your security camera, right? And this is your stupid elevator, right?"  
  
Elrond was not amused. "Well, if you hadn't. . .hadn't. . ." Elrond realized he wasn't sure what to say. "Anyway, it's not my fault! It's all Erestor's fault! He's a security guard!"  
  
"Elrond," said Celeborn, trying to sound calm, and failing miserably, "Erestor is a political refugee! Not a security guard! You shouldn't have trusted him!"  
  
_Perfect. Elrond and Celeborn are killing each other.  
  
And someone's trying to break down my door._  
  
10:01 AM  
  
**The minutes felt like hours. Thranduil had to know if the mission had been successful! Legolas was looking rather sick, and he couldn't imagine why.  
  
Legolas was feeling awful. If Thranduil's soldiers captured Erestor, then the King might find out a few other things. Legolas decided that he should go and pack a bag, just in case.  
**  
Elrond's nose hurt and he had a black eye. He telephoned Glorfindel. "Glorfindel!" he yelled.  
  
"Yes, my lord?"  
  
"You better get us out of here! We've been trapped in an elevator for two and a half hours!"  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
Elrond glanced at Celeborn, who was trying to get his nose to stop bleeding. "We're fine," he said. "But we're sick of waiting in here."  
  
Glorfindel obviously had something else to report, because he didn't end the conversation. "Umm. . .Lord Elrond?" he asked.  
  
"What?" asked Elrond.  
  
"We haven't been able to fix the elevator because about forty-five minutes ago, lots of soldiers from Mirkwood broke into Imladris," said Glorfindel. "We've been trying to hold them back."  
  
"Don't bother," said Elrond. "Just give them Erestor."  
  
"What?" asked Glorfindel, sounding shocked.  
  
"They've obviously declared war because of Erestor's security tape," said Elrond. "All they want is that Elf. Hand him over to them."  
  
"Very well, Lord Elrond," said Glorfindel slowly.  
  
10:37 AM  
  
The elevator doors opened.  
  
Celeborn stepped out first, after a brief scuffle with Elrond, in which some people got their hair pulled. Éomer came next, because he was a king. He was limping slightly, and muttering threats about Merry. Elrond was last, looking rather tired, but strangely triumphant. He looked at Glorfindel and the other security guards with an unusual gleam in his eyes. "Don't bother to close the elevator off," he said calmly. "Just warn the Elves of Imladris not to use it."  
  
Glorfindel nodded.  
  
**Erestor was led into Thranduil's hall. He was cradling his small security television protectively, and his sharp eyes took in every detail. Thranduil was delighted to see that security television.  
  
Legolas tried very hard not to look at Erestor. Would the Elf tell Thranduil about the prince's blackmailing scheme?  
  
"Erestor!" said Thranduil pleasantly. "I'm so happy to see you!"  
  
Erestor bowed.  
  
"They say that crime doesn't pay," continued the Elvenking, who'd obviously been practicing his little speech. "But that statement is not true. Crime certainly pays."  
  
Legolas's mouth was open. He shut it.  
  
"It pays me, at least," added Thranduil. "I would love to have a videotape of Celeborn going insane while trapped in an elevator."  
  
"I thought you might, your highness," said Erestor. He gently put the security television on the floor. Then he turned and walked away.  
**  
Celeborn was sitting on a swivel chair. He spun around on it once. He had learned about Erestor's lie. The Dwarves did not have the security camera. The Elves of Mirkwood did.  
  
He was dead.  
  
He spun around again.  
  
Thranduil would blackmail him.  
  
He spun around again.  
  
Elrond would declared war on him.  
  
He spun around again.  
  
His wife, in Valinor, would be sure to hear about it all, and she would go crazy.  
  
He spun around once more, and then took a moment to regain his balance and uncross his eyes.  
  
Then he took out his laptop.  
  
"Thranduil," he typed, "your son sold me the footage of you attacking a Dwarf. I'm sure that many people would love to see it, particularly other Dwarves. I will be willing to return the videotape, if you give me the one that I am on." He sent the e-mail, hoping only to postpone the inevitable.  
  
12:11 PM  
  
**Thranduil watched the video three times. It was rather funny. But it was dangerous. He would probably have to destroy it.  
  
But when he checked his e-mails, he got a terrible shock. His son was a traitor!  
  
Actually, he'd always suspected.**  
  
2:00 PM (The next day)  
  
Three Elves sat around a table, drinking wine and smiling genially at each other. A fire blazed cheerfully in the hearth, two videotapes melting slowly into a twisted lump of plastic.  
  
"I must admit," said Elrond blandly, "that I didn't think we would be able to solve this conflict."  
  
Thranduil and Celeborn nodded.  
  
"But I was wrong," finished Elrond. "We were actually capable of getting along."  
  
Thranduil and Celeborn nodded again, eyeing each other warily. They were not quite capable of getting along, but they were capable of sitting down together without trying to kill the other. That was progress.  
  
However, Thranduil's eyes were fixed rather nervously on the serving fork on the table. Celeborn kept on glancing at the carving knife that was stuck in the roast turkey. Elrond took another sip of wine, unaware of what was going on.  
  
"To elevators!" said Elrond, raising his glass.  
  
Thranduil and Celeborn exchanged a glance. "To elevators," they echoed.  
  
_I am a nasty, horrid, wicked Elf. I should be locked up.  
  
Of course, Glorfindel has already mentioned this. He said, "I know one kind of asylum you should be in, Erestor."  
  
I have such a charming friend.  
  
I'm hardly bored this time. I've found a lovely little cave to live in. It's rather near Imladris, but no one should ever find me. After a few more days, I'll bribe Elrond to let me come home.  
  
I can't say that I was trying to cause as much trouble as I actually did. It was an accidental bonus. And I certainly can't say that I thought I'd get away with it.  
  
Actually, I don't know if I have gotten away with it yet. There are a few Elves out there who are hunting me down.  
  
But my life has certainly become more exciting. _

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Erestor the Outlaw

Trapped in an Elevator  
  
by Erestor  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to _Lord of the Rings_.  
  
Author's Note: This turned into the longest chapter I've ever written, but one last Elf had to get stuck in an elevator. You probably know who I mean. Enjoy!  
  
6:24 PM  
  
_Something strange happened two days ago.  
  
I was walking along innocently through Imladris, when suddenly an Elf asked for my autograph. This never happens. People don't ask for my autograph. They run and hide instead. Could I be becoming popular? Or am I just doomed?  
  
Personally, I think I'm doomed. But I was always a pessimistic Elf._  
  
6:30 PM  
  
**Thranduil was sitting in front of his computer, checking his e-mails. He loved getting mail. It was so much fun. One of the simple joys of modern technology.  
  
His telephone rang.  
  
Telephones were not one of the simple joys of modern technology. He hated telephones. He hated their piercing ringing noise, and he hated the way they always rang at inopportune moments. You could postpone reading e- mails, but phone calls were harder to avoid.  
  
Thranduil listened as his answering machine came on.  
  
"This is the answering machine of Thranduil, King of Mirkwood. His Majesty is busy at the moment, so don't bother him unless your message is important. (Hint to telemarketers: three day trips to Lothlorien are not important. Go away.) After the beep, you have five seconds to tell him what's wrong."  
  
The machine beeped. Thranduil listened as the caller spoke.  
  
"Hello, Thranduil, this is Elrond. You'll be pleased to know that Elevator C has broken down again, at exactly the time I wanted it to."  
  
Thranduil swooped down on the telephone and picked it up. "Yes? Elrond?"  
  
"I liked your answering machine," said Elrond dryly.  
  
Thranduil was too impatient to feel annoyed. "Well? Did you get him?"  
  
"Yes," said Elrond. "It was time that he got a taste of his own medicine."  
  
"Good, good," said Thranduil, smiling happily at his computer.  
  
"There was one problem, though," said Elrond. "We accidently captured King Elessar, King Éomer and Gimli, as well as a guy called Gamling."  
  
"Oh." Thranduil's face fell. "I guess we'll have to let them out sooner than we wanted."  
  
"Yes," said Elrond, "but I've got the new security camera switched on."  
  
Thranduil grinned.**  
  
Erestor was thinking rapidly. Who knew that he used the elevator every evening at six-thirty? Elrond. Who was still mad at him for the latest elevator fiasco? Elrond. So who had conveniently placed 'out of order' signs on all the other elevators, leaving Elevator C open? It seemed quite safe to assume that Elrond was the culprit there as well.  
  
King Elessar did not look happy. Elevator C had been in the news quite a bit of late. It was famous for jamming every time groups of important people stepped inside it. And somehow, the groups of important people were always enemies. It was a good thing that the King was a good friend of Éomer.  
  
However, now that he stood there thinking about it, Éomer was not quite a good friend. He was more of a friend who occasionally tried to take over Gondor. Elessar frowned.  
  
Gimli and Éomer had never been the best of friends either, which was not very good. Gimli was editing more 'important documents' and Éomer was scrubbing Merry's graffiti off the walls. Gamling, being a good Rider of Rohan, was helping his king.  
  
Erestor sat down in a corner and pulled out his little notebook.  
  
_I see that they caught me fair and square, by playing my own game. But now I don't have to feel guilty anymore! Now **I'm **the victim!  
  
Obviously, the best course of action is to do nothing. I know how absolutely boring it is to watch a security camera when no one is trying to clobber anyone. I'm generally rather good at avoiding conflict. This might be a test of how good I am, of course, but I'm sure I'll stay alive.  
  
Unless they're trying to kill me.  
  
No. If they were, they would have poisoned my coffee.  
  
Except I don't drink coffee.  
  
Well, they can't kill me, because I'm here with the King of Gondor, and the King of Rohan. They wouldn't dare do something like that.  
  
Unless Elessar and Éomer decide that they want to kill me. I'm outnumbered.  
_  
7:12 PM  
  
**"This is rather boring," said Thranduil gloomily. He and Elrond were watching the security camera together. "I feel a bit sorry for Erestor. No wonder he did something to liven things up."  
  
"Don't talk like that," said Elrond, making himself comfortable. "Erestor is a very wicked Elf. As soon as we get the elevator fixed, we'll put him in jail."  
  
"He did give me the security video without a fuss," said Thranduil.  
  
"Are you making excuses?" asked Elrond disbelievingly. "He was surrounded by armed guards. In that kind of a situation, no one ever makes a fuss."  
  
"But he just walked out afterwards," said Thranduil, "as if he didn't expect us to try and catch him again."  
  
"He's obviously deranged," said Elrond. "End of subject."**  
  
_I'm going crazy.  
  
I thought that being a security guard was boring. This is extremely boring.  
  
Of course, I have learned that one can be both very bored and very scared at the same time. If someone dropped something, I think I would scream. And that would be very, very embarrassing._  
  
Éomer and Gimli were trying to avoid each other. In an elevator, avoiding someone is very difficult. Éomer focused on rubbing out Merry's writing. Gimli focused on editing his document. It was on a rather touchy subject. Gimli had a feeling that if Éomer saw what he was working on, there would be another brawl.  
  
"What are you working on?" asked Elessar. He was sitting in another corner, looking very bored.  
  
Gimli had an overwhelming feeling of déjà vu. He quickly crossed out the title. "It's a report about the cave-ins that took place this year."  
  
"Oh," said Elessar. He pulled out his handheld and started playing a game of electronic solitaire. "Have you ever been in a cave-in?"  
  
"Once or twice," said Gimli. He edited a sentence so that it read: 'The human fixation with horses is impossible to explain. Humans appear to depend on horses for many things, and would be lost without them. Dwarven experts have a hard time answering the question: Why would anyone care for a creature so large, ferocious and ugly?'  
  
_Gimli is editing a report about horses, and I've been reading it over his shoulder. Dwarves seem to have negative views about **everything**. It's a bit weird.  
  
When Éomer sees this, (I have no doubt that he will), there is going to be a very large and unpleasant fight.  
  
I don't like fighting. I prefer blackmail._  
  
7:33 PM  
  
**"Nothing is happening," said Thranduil. "It's been an hour and they've hardly even talked to each other! Did you get Glorfindel on the job yet, or are you waiting for a fight to break out before you begin to try and save them?"  
  
"Glorfindel's working on it," said Elrond. "At least, he's working on figuring out why Elevator C has jammed three times in less than two weeks."  
  
"Did you let Erestor come back to Imladris just so that you could catch him?" asked Thranduil, bored. "That's rather devious, isn't it?"  
  
Elrond smirked. "Well, he did ask so nicely. How could I refuse?"  
  
Thranduil glanced at Elrond. "How nicely, exactly?"  
  
Elrond changed the subject. "Would you like some hot chocolate?"  
  
"No," said Thranduil. "How nicely?"**  
  
Éomer's fingers hurt from trying to rub out the writing on the wall. When he got out of the elevator, he was going to wring Merry's neck. To think that such a cute little Hobbit could be harboring so much anger against Rohan!  
  
Éomer glanced at Erestor, who was writing furiously in his notebook. He remembered something. Erestor's name had quite frequently been linked to the whole elevator episode. Was Erestor the one who had jammed the elevator?  
  
No. The theory didn't quite make sense. But he'd heard a lot about security cameras.  
  
Then three things happened at once.  
  
Elessar pulled out his pipe and lit it casually.  
  
Gamling read a paragraph from Gimli's report.  
  
And inside Eomer's mind, the pieces suddenly clicked together.  
  
7:49 PM  
  
**"All right! All right! I'll tell you," said Elrond. "He gave me some money. . ."  
  
"Bribery," muttered Thranduil sulkily, wishing that Erestor had asked to live in Mirkwood.  
  
". . .And begged me to let him have his old job back," finished Elrond, ignoring Thranduil's comment. "I said no, of course. There was no way I was going to let him be a security guard again!"  
  
"So what does he do now?" asked Thranduil, his attention straying from the security screen.  
  
Elrond smiled to himself.**  
  
For every action, there was definitely a reaction.  
  
Erestor, shocked at the sight of Elessar wantonly using up precious air, opened his mouth to comment.  
  
Gamling, shocked by the fact that Dwarves disliked horses, headed threatening in Gimli's direction.  
  
And Éomer, shocked by the somewhat mistaken realization that Erestor was the evil mastermind behind his last stay in an elevator, reached out and grabbed the Elf by the hair.  
  
And for several minutes, pandemonium raged.  
  
**"Hey! Look at the camera!" yelled Thranduil suddenly. "Look what's happening!"  
  
The scene before them surpassed their wildest dreams.  
  
Elessar was standing in shock, pipe in hand, watching as Gamling and Gimli rolled around on the floor, punching and kicking each other. Éomer had Erestor by the hair and was obviously yelling at him. Elrond smiled happily.  
  
"I suppose I should tell Glorfindel to start working on the problem now," he said. "And maybe we should call for an ambulance. . .just in case."  
**  
Erestor yanked his hair free from Éomer's grasp and stood with his back to the wall, eyeing the tall, angry man nervously.  
  
"You locked me in here!" yelled Éomer, stepping over Gimli and Gamling, and facing his foe. "You watched me on your security camera! What happened to the videotape?"  
  
Erestor had no idea. The last time he had seen it, it had been in Mirkwood with King Thranduil.  
  
"I don't know where it is," he said desperately. "I gave it to King Thranduil."  
  
Éomer made a noise somewhere between a roar of rage and a squeak of alarm. "What?"  
  
"I gave it to King Thranduil."  
  
"For money, no doubt!" bellowed Éomer, getting his voice back and putting it to good use.  
  
"Actually, no," said Erestor.  
  
"I don't believe you!" yelled Éomer.  
  
The noise was made louder by the cramped conditions. Sound bounced off the four walls of the elevator and rang in Erestor's ears. Éomer seized Erestor by the shoulders to shake him senseless. . .  
  
. . .and the advisor made use of his last weapon. "I'm an Elf," he said, managing to make his voice steady. "That means I'm from a minority group. If you hurt me, I'll take you to court for committing a hate-crime."  
  
Éomer let go as if he'd been burned.  
  
**"How did he do that?" asked Elrond in amazement. "I was sure that Éomer was going to punch him in the face!"  
  
"Same here," said Thranduil, rather relieved. He hadn't quite wanted to see the advisor getting killed. . .especially on a security camera of all places! "Did I hear you say something about hot chocolate?"**  
  
_Gamling is unconscious, Gimli has a broken nose, King Éomer and King Elessar are all right, and I am going into shock. And my head hurts from having my hair pulled. I am glad that I'm still alive. I thought that Éomer was about to strange me!  
  
I hope Elrond is enjoying his revenge.  
_  
8:30 PM  
  
The victims of Elevator C lay sprawled around on the floor. Gamling had recovered consciousness a while ago, and Elessar had kept him away from Gimli. Éomer was lying on his back, wondering how in the world Merry had managed to write on the ceiling. Erestor had eventually stopped writing in his diary, but still sat in his corner, miserably pondering his fate. Gimli was considering editing his document again, though it seemed likely that Gamling would think of such a move as a declaration of war. Elessar was smoking contentedly, and not even Erestor had the heart to stop him.  
  
Erestor was first to hear the scrabbling outside the door, since he was an Elf. He crawled carefully towards the sound. They had been trapped for three hours and so he hoped that Glorfindel had come to save them at last.  
  
Someone pried the doors open, and the Men, the Dwarf, and the Elf gazed thankfully at their rescuer. Glorfindel looked very tired and annoyed. He kicked the door, and told the elevator that if it broke one more time, he would personally smash it to smithereens. Then he bowed to the two Kings, and told them Elrond had called for a limousine to take them to their respective countries. He said that he was very sorry, and that it would never happen again. When everyone else was gone, he looked at Erestor. "You're under arrest, you know," he said.  
  
"I know," said Erestor.  
  
12:04 AM  
  
_It's midnight. I've been in jail for three whole hours. The time went far faster than it did in the elevator though, and I'm thankful for that.  
  
Erestor the Convict is not the most flattering title I could have devised for myself. But my new job in Imladris was running a snack bar, which was extremely unpleasant. I'm quite happy to be here.  
  
Happy to be in jail. It sounds absolutely ridiculous.  
  
I'm not happy at all._  
  
**If there was one thing Legolas did not like, it was guilt. He hated feeling guilty. And at the moment, he felt very guilty indeed. He stepped cautiously out of his dinky green sports car, and hurried across the road to the jail. It was raining, which made the scene all the more atmospheric.  
  
He had made a lot of money by selling Erestor's videotape to Celeborn. It was time to put the ill-gotten money to good use.**  
  
12:31 AM  
  
The prison guard entered the little cell cautiously, wondering if the dangerous assassin/anarchist/traitor/terrorist would knock him over the head with something. But no, Erestor was sitting in a corner again, staring blankly at his notebook.  
  
"Good news," said the guard.  
  
Erestor looked at him wearily.  
  
"Your friend's bailed you out of here," said the guard, smiling his 'good- luck-you're-out-of-jail' smile.  
  
"My friend?" asked Erestor.  
  
"Me," said Legolas.  
  
Erestor smiled as well. "What's Mirkwood like?" he asked.  
  
"It's a great place," said Legolas.  
  
3:06 AM  
  
_I suppose I'm home now. Legolas smuggled me into the palace and found me a room somewhere. He warned me not to wander around, because I'd probably get lost. You can be very sure that I won't leave this room.  
  
I'm slightly traumatized, mainly because Legolas drives like he's trying to win a race. He's got one great little car though, and it held up well. I was a bit worried when we almost ran over Haldir, but his highness swerved just in time. I think he likes scaring people.  
  
Legolas says that everything will be sorted out tomorrow. Or more, later this morning. I've had a very late night, and now I'm going to bed._  
  
9:00 AM  
  
Elrond did not feel vengeful often. But at the moment, he was very annoyed. Somehow, Erestor had escaped from jail. Somehow, Erestor had managed to disappear entirely. Elrond had wanted Erestor locked up forever, but apparently this was not to be.  
  
So the Elf-lord flew to Mirkwood on a private jet, sure that King Thranduil knew more about the whole situation than he let on.  
  
10:23 AM  
  
**Thranduil was playing a game on his computer when someone rushed, bowing, into the room. "What's going on?" he asked indignantly, quickly closing the game, and trying to look kingly, noble, and hardworking.  
  
"Lord Elrond has just arrived on a private jet!" cried the guard.  
  
Thranduil didn't swear. Not quite. He merely made an irritated noise. He leapt to his feet and straightened his lopsided crown. "How do I look?" he asked.  
  
"Very kingly, your majesty," said the guard.  
  
Thranduil sprinted down the stairs and smashed into his son, who was skulking guiltily in a corner.  
  
"Are you all right?" asked Thranduil, picking Legolas off the floor.  
  
"I'm fine," said Legolas.  
  
They looked at each other for a moment.  
  
"Elrond is searching for Erestor," said Thranduil. "He just arrived in Mirkwood."  
  
Legolas looked very worried.  
  
"You know where he is, don't you?" asked Thranduil.  
  
Legolas nodded.  
  
"Don't tell me. I don't want to know," said Thranduil. "He better not be anywhere near my palace though."  
  
**9:27 AM  
  
_Elrond is in Mirkwood. He's looking for me.  
  
I am listening to Legolas and King Thranduil talking outside the door. His Majesty does not want me to be anywhere near the palace. I wonder what he would do if he knew that I am only a room away?  
  
He would not be pleased._  
  
**Thranduil went off to greet Elrond. Legolas burst into Erestor's room and found the Elf writing in his notebook. "We have to leave at once!" exclaimed the prince. "Pack your bag!"  
  
"I don't have a bag," said Erestor calmly, putting his notebook in his pocket. "Where will we go?"  
  
Legolas thought for a second. "The mall!" he said finally. "They'll never look there."  
  
Once again, they dashed to Legolas's sports car. Legolas drove to the mall at a terrific speed.  
  
He was going to park the car when Erestor said, "If anyone spots your car in the parking lot, they'll know exactly where we are."  
  
Legolas frowned, then smiled. "Hang on tight," he advised. "I've always wanted to do this."  
  
Erestor did not look happy, but he clung to the seat.  
  
Legolas drove up to the automatic door at the entrance to the mall, and it opened. He drove inside.  
  
"What are you doing?" asked Erestor, no longer calm. He was terrified.  
  
Legolas swerved around a fountain and a group of shoppers. "They always have cars in malls!" he shouted. (He had to shout because everyone in the mall was screaming and running for the stairs.) "I used to wonder how they got them in there."  
  
Erestor watched the shops flit by. His eyes were wide.  
  
Legolas drove under a bunch of palm trees. Erestor ducked.  
  
Legolas hit a loose floor tile. The car, which had been going quite fast, flew into the air.  
  
"This is crazy!" cried Erestor.  
  
"Don't worry! Weird things are always happening here!" yelled Legolas, his blond hair flying behind him. He looked demented. "No one will notice!"  
  
"They're noticing!" said Erestor.  
  
Legolas drove around a corner and into a display of videos. Erestor got knocked on the head. "I think we should stop now," he said.  
  
Legolas braked, parking the car in the middle of the aisle. The two Elves got out. Erestor was traumatized for life.  
  
"Now, where should we hide?" asked Legolas.  
  
Erestor was trying to breathe again.  
  
"How about this store?" Legolas suggested, pointing to a sign that said 'Sam's Horticulture Shop'.  
  
The store was bursting with tropical plants. It felt like a rainforest. To add to the atmosphere, someone had filled the shop with steam.  
  
"Wow, look at this!" said Legolas, who was staring a huge plant.  
  
"That's a Venus Fly Trap," said Erestor. He poked it and it tried to bite his finger off.  
  
"I guess we'll just wait here," said Legolas.  
  
**9:31 AM  
  
Elrond and Thranduil looked at each other.  
  
"Are you hiding Erestor?" asked Elrond, who believed in being blunt.  
  
"No," said Thranduil, who also believed in being blunt.  
  
They looked at each other some more.  
  
"Is Legolas hiding Erestor?" asked Elrond.  
  
There was a moment of silence.  
  
"Why do you want Erestor anyway?" asked Thranduil curiously. "He's not a criminal."  
  
"Oh, yes he is!" said Elrond firmly. He started counting Erestor's crimes on his fingers. "First, he threatened to poison your coffee. Second, he illegally sold Legolas a videotape of you punching Gimli. Third, he gave you an illegal videotape of me trying to kill Celeborn. Four, he ran away from justice. Five, he tried to bribe me. Six, he got out of jail again. Somehow. We have proof that he is a spy and an anarchist! He's definitely a criminal."  
  
Thranduil was slightly taken aback. Elrond had a long list. The king wasn't sure if all the offenses named were actual crimes, but maybe the law in Imladris was stricter. And it was true. Erestor had threatened to kill him.  
  
"And what about your son?" asked Elrond, who did not know to quit when he was ahead. "He sold the videotape to Celeborn. He's a traitor."  
  
"Now, wait just a minute!" Thranduil was really mad. "Are you insinuating that my son is a traitor?"  
  
"Not insinuating," said Elrond. "Stating."  
  
9:45 AM  
  
**Erestor and Legolas were eating a late breakfast in the food court. Erestor did not feel hungry.  
  
"I'll never be able to go back to Imladris," he said, staring gloomily at the mess of 'food' on his plate.  
  
"I won't be able to go home," said Legolas.  
  
The two Elves sighed at the same time.  
  
"Why can't you go home?" asked Erestor after a moment.  
  
"I'm a traitor," said Legolas. "And anyway, I helped you get out of jail."  
  
Erestor looked at Legolas. He had never much liked the prince, but now they were in the same boat. They were both criminals. And Legolas wasn't as bad as he'd thought.  
  
"You know," said Legolas slowly, "we could work together."  
  
Erestor lifted his head. "Really?"  
  
"Think of the things we could do!" said Legolas, getting excited. "We're outlaws now! I could steal from the rich and give to the poor! Like Robin Hood!"  
  
"Legolas," said Erestor, "_you're _rich."  
  
Legolas subsided. "Right."  
  
"But I liked the idea. . ."**  
  
9:47 AM  
  
"Is Elrond out of the Infirmary yet?" asked Thranduil impatiently.  
  
The nurse smiled. "We just finished bandaging his arm."  
  
Elrond stumbled out of the Infirmary. His arm was in a cast. Thranduil had the grace to look apologetic. "I'm sorry I broke your arm," he said.  
  
"No problem," growled Elrond. "But I want you to know something, Thranduil. I will not rest until I've caught Erestor!"  
  
"You sound like a villain," said Thranduil. "Like the villain in some overly-dramatic movie."  
  
Thunder rumbled overhead.  
  
Elrond glared at the Elvenking. His eyes sparkled dangerously. "And if your son is helping him, I'll have him arrested as well, prince or not!"  
  
Lightning flashed.  
  
Thranduil frowned. "Elrond. . ." he began.  
  
Elrond strode to his private jet, his robes flapping in the wind. His face was set.  
  
"Why does Legolas always have to get in trouble?" Thranduil asked no one in particular.  
  
10:03 AM  
  
_Isn't it amazing? Three weeks ago, I was just your ordinary security guard. And today, I'm an outlaw.  
  
Legolas is taking this very seriously. We are currently purchasing 'outlaw equipment'. He says that he can hardly wait to be like Robin Hood. He **is** a good archer, I guess.  
  
I asked him what I would be. He said, "Little John." I'm still unsure if that was a compliment.  
  
I know that Glorfindel would make a great Will Scarlet.  
  
Anyway, I'm looking forward to this new adventure._  
  
10:05 AM  
  
Legolas was buying 'outlaw equipment'. He glanced at Erestor, who was still scribbling away in his notebook. "Erestor," he said. "Are you ready for this?"  
  
Erestor actually grinned. "Of course," he said.  
  
**THE END**

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**Deana**- I'm glad you're enjoying this! I tend to write humor a lot more than angst/action/adventure.  
  
**Ainu Laire**- Thank you! (Spiffy is such a cool word.)  
  
**Elfobsession2931**- It wasn't quite the end! I decided to write some more, just so that Erestor could get what was coming to him. And I liked what you said about the different side of Legolas. I like making him slightly evil. He's more interesting that way. Glad you enjoyed!  
  
**Dalamar Nightson**- Hmm. . .I forgot that Gimli was Legolas's best friend. You're right. He probably would have been a bit more concerned. I'm glad that you still enjoyed my story, even if Legolas wasn't quite canonical. And by the way, cool name.  
  
**Athena Diagon Cat**- As you can see, Glorfindel won't confess to how he set his hair on fire. And Erestor loves his job! It's just extremely boring. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
**Elven Kitten**- O.o I love your little faces. Though I must admit, I now imagine you with large bugged-out eyes. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
**Simply Sara**- Thank you thank you thank you. I'm not sure what else to say, but I'm glad you're enjoying this story!  
  
**Coolio02**- I had fun writing Erestor's diary. I also had fun figuring out good or bad (or just plain explosive) combinations of people to get stranded in an elevator. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
**Barbara Kennedy**- Well, I suppose it did suddenly turn into a series. And I'm very glad that it's better than some of the stuff on TV. Thanks!  
  
**Lutris**- I know you like Erestor, so I'm glad that you enjoyed his comments. I'm also glad that you didn't mind him being a bit mean. Thanks for reviewing! I hope that you update your own stories soon. : )  
  
**Uineniel**- You were very right about Elessar. I went back and fixed that mistake. It's a bit embarrassing really. And someone agrees that coffee is deadly! That knowledge makes me feel very happy.  
  
**Terreis**- Aha! A poor Erestor! Someone sympathizes with him! You're welcome, I'm always happy to make people laugh. Thanks for reviewing.  
  
**IrethAncalime3791**- The Thranduil and Gimli situation was just too tempting. I'm glad you liked it. And you better watch out. Gandalf might be annoyed because you're a self-acclaimed Maia. Thanks for reviewing.  
  
**Mantuar Beeblebrox-Lupin**- Just when I thought that you couldn't get a harder-to-type-out name, this happened! It's cool, I just wish it was about ten letters shorter. : ) Tell Grima and Faramir not to worry. I don't actually need a sacrifice. And you're right. I'm very mentally unstable. Thanks for reviewing! It's always nice to hear from you.  
  
**crazy-haldir-fancier**- I think that's a good sign. . .  
  
**MrPadfoot1**- Erestor is a troublemaker. But I like him anyway. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Here's your update.  
  
**Still Anonymous**- I didn't know that HASA took parodies. I forgot that you liked horses so much. I hope you weren't offended by Merry's comments. And someone reads my bio! That's a good thing to know. (I'll have to stop writing embarrassing stuff on it.) Thanks for your VERY encouraging review.  
  
**Bookworm2000**- Someone else who'll never look at elevators the same again! On Sunday, I had an opportunity to take an elevator. I didn't. I used the stairs. So I definitely agree with you. Thanks for reading!  
  
**Celadrian**- Exactly. Poor Erestor is just trying to make people's lives more interesting. You summed it up very nicely. Here's your update and thanks for reviewing!  
  
**One Last Author's Note**: I was going to put the car scene in Mirkwood Mall, but I never got a good chance to do it. Fortunately, it came in useful here. And by the way, I'm planning on a sequel to this story, so look out for it. Bye! 


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